These regrets are going to drown me,
swirling around me like they are.
If only I could rid myself of the If Onlys
today could be – finally – just about today.
But Yesterday is my closest friend, and Last Year my next door neighbor.
Those anguished, second-guessing glances
keep me twisted, looking over my shoulder
making it impossible to breathe.
Today becomes a proving ground
where Yesterday’s failures are replayed
and, painfully, relived.
I’d like to take these glasses off
that see only success or deep and utter failure.
Is there another way to view the world,
my life, this place where demons dwell?
Is there room for trying and chancing?
making it up and accepting what comes?
I am not without hope.
This tiny space within
where all is well and everything belongs
is gaining ground
one silent moment
one deep breath
one exhale at a time.